The Strange Reason I Wouldn’t Listen To My Marriage Counselor


For that hour I was all in. I listened to every word my marriage counselor uttered. I hear you. I’m a pleaser and a fixer. I lack boundaries and the instinct to self-protect. I’m an enabler an overly caring person who tolerates repeatedly bad behavior. Got it.

And then I would walk out that door and revert to who I had been my whole life.

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I respected my marriage counselor. And it was a relief to vent and have my feelings validated.

Still, in the beginning, it wasn’t easy to hear my emotional truth. But eventually, I shifted from feeling victimized and blaming my husband to wanting to work on myself.

It was the better choice. The prior was filled with anger and bitterness. The latter with hope and possibilities. I could learn from my mistakes. I could give my children a chance at healthier relationships.

It’s amazing I was receptive to counseling but unable to stop my own patterns.

It wasn’t for lack of desire. It was innate almost unconscious behavior. I

would slip back into the very things my counselor educated me about. My husband was behaving badly and he is who he is. But a good counselor teaches you about yourself. If not, you won’t grow and you may not heal from your relationship experience.

Bitterness can’t be the ultimate destination.

It wasn’t strictly love that made me refuse to give up on my husband.



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